Exposed: Interview with adult comic characters
Thou shalt have no other Devil before me.
An interview with two evil pigeons pondering the end of days
Genesis 1:20
And God said, “Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the heavens.”
Ezekiel 39:4
You shall fall on the mountains of Israel, you and all your hordes and the peoples who are with you. I will give you to birds of prey of every sort and to the beasts of the field to be devoured.
Pidjin 101: “We da World Enders Baby”.
Webcomics is the best trend in line with freedom of speech enabled on the internet. Here is one super successful webcomic and now a movement. Fredo and Pid’jin http://www.pidjin.net is an offbeat, alternative comic online though its humour is clearly aimed at adults. Its tagline says “Two Evil Pigeons. One World to Destroy.”
This comic is written by Tudor Muscalu and drawn by Eugen Erhan
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Dey: Hello and so glad you could join us. I always wanted to know. Fredo has a cool name. Why is Pidjin simply called Pidjin?
Pidjin: My name is simple? Good.
Dey: Is Pidjin always clumsy with the females or is it because in comparison to Fredo he will always be less popular with the ladies?
Fredo: Pidjin isn’t clumsy with the females – one cannot be clumsy with that which he cannot touch.
Dey: Can Fredo fly? For a pigeon, he really is a “healthy” / “big-boned” one.
Fredo: I’m more of a “pour me another Moet, honey” kind of flyer.
Dey: We all know the differences between you two. Tell us one thing that is common between Fredo & Pidjin, excepting the destruction of the world motive.
Pidjin: You know about the world ending? That’s classified information. Man, and I was so not going to kill you today.
Fredo: To answer your question, we have in common the thing where we will both kill you at the end of this interview.
Dey: What is Pidjin’s favourite food?
Pidjin: Interviewers.
Fredo: Fries.
Dey: We know Fredo is tempted by the ladies. Name one strength of Fredo? A virtue maybe?
Pidjin: Fredo is impossible to break, mentally. He has this mental bullet-proof armor of…
Fredo: …getting laid.
Dey: If Pidjin was the thirteenth disciple of the Holy Jesus Christ, what would have been the alternate result of the known Christ’s tale of crucifixion/ resurrection?
Fredo: I would have documented the whole thing. Notes, drawings, diagrams, quotations, you name it. Hard, precise evidence of exactly everything that man said and did.
Pid’jin: So, nothing.
Fredo: I’m a lazy person.
Dey: Hey Pidjin, between, 50 Cent, Hugh Hefner, Bill Clinton and Fredo, who is most successful and/or popular with the ladies?
Pidjin: If by “ladies” you’re making assumptions about the gender of the scientists involved in the development of Cialis, I think that would be Hugh Hefner. And 50 cent.
Dey: Okay Fredo, if there was one thing you would like to say to Pidjin before he died a terrible death in his global destruction ambitions – what would it be?
Fredo: I’m sorry, I’ll be more careful with the detonator next time.
Dey: They say two things are certain, “death and taxes”. Would you say it is also certain that Pidjin will fail in his every action?
Pidjin: I never fail, I just get misunderstood.
Fredo: There are taxes?
Dey: If there was a nomination campaign to elect Fredo for the Nobel Peace Prize as an entertainer, do you think the two of you would still be wanting world domination?
Fredo: I’m fairly sure the “Nobel Peace Prize as an entertainer” has gone to Obama.
Dey: If there was an apocalypse as has been predicted every month since the past 24 months – would Fredo & Pidjin be outdone in world destruction by “God”?
Pidjin: Cannot discuss our mission. I mean, even though we’re killing you after the interview, you’ll wind up on God’s doorstep… so we can’t tell you much.
Dey: Some simpleton idiots claim you can win the world over with “Love”. Have you guys considered trying that line of action?
Pidjin: No. But I tried with coconuts once.
Fredo: He almost did it.
Dey: If there were 10 commandments to be re-written for the 21st century, what would they be?
Fredo: Only one commandment: thou shalt not oversimplify morality. Oh and “beer is ok, no matter what”.
Dey: If you could have sex with one historical celebrity of the past, who would you guys wanna hump?
Fredo: Cleopatra’s PR agent. I met her in person, lovely girl, ahead of her times. Seriously underrated.
Dey: If Zeus was real and stood upon Earth today, would it solve the religious crisis and wars on planet Earth once and for all?
Fredo: Yeah. Pid’jin would still be a virgin though.
Dey: Loki is a God I can believe in? Look at our human history. Only Loki could cause this to us. Do the two of you worship any God or entity?
Fredo: Loki is real, and mean. Don’t fuck with Loki. Loki stole one of my Lego bricks one time. Still wont’ admit to it, to this day.
Dey: We have a surplus of super-hero movies in Hollywood. Why do you think super-villain movie concept hasn’t caught on?
Fredo: Ally McBeal was successful, and it was with lawyers, so I’d say that worked.
Dey: Which is the ugliest thing either one of you ever slept with?
Fredo: Cleopatra. She’s nothing like her sweet PR agent.
Dey: Would you say crows/ ravens are smarter than pigeons?
Pidjin: Are we talking about talking ravens? Oh wait, they don’t have those.
Fredo: So, no on that.
Dey: Between Monica Lewinsky, Sarah Palin, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, who is the most stupid according to you?
Fredo: They are all intelligent, respectable ladies. Not like that bitch Cleopatra.
Dey: If you were lost on a remote island with no other being other than one of the above four women, which one would you pick to be stranded with?
Pidjin: Paris Hilton.
Fredo: Paris Hilton.
Pidjin: Come on man, she’s mine!
Fredo: May the best man win.
Dey: Arnold is making another Terminator movie. Have you guys considered AI to destroy the world?
Fredo: That guy! I love Arnold. By AI you mean Austrian Intelligence, right?
Dey: Stallone says he is not yet done with the Rambo franchise. Do either of you have military experience or been in a war zone?
Pidjin: I am a war zone. Look at my war face!
Fredo: Said the Clearasil boy.
Dey: How come all Abrahamic religions has “death” as God’s vengeful punishment whereas all the Eastern religions claim “death” is liberation of the soul to finally unite with God?
Fredo: Whatever keeps people interested in taking the dive, works for us.
Dey: Does Fredo believe in Tantric Sex? Or does he go by the book (KamaSutra book that is)?
Fredo: They made books about sex?
Dey: Considering another Dan Brown book is out, if Pidjin had a choice, would he be an ally with The Pope or The Illuminati?
Fredo: Neah, he’s too old to believe in the Illuminati, and way, way too old to get attention from a Catholic priest.
Dey: Zombies is an overdone meme and theme in art, cinema, novels and internet. Does Fredo and Pidjin believe in the possibility of a Zombie Apocalypse?
Fredo: Sounds delicious.
Dey: Between Lara Craft Tomb Raider and the traditional Barbie doll – which is the most unrealistic female form?
Fredo: That bitch Cleopatra, that’s who.
Dey: Singapore Government exterminated every single pigeon on its island nation because they left crap on public & private property. Do you have a message for Singapore?
Fredo: Well, I hear they overwork everyone in that city. No wonder they’re taking it out on whoever pisses them off, even innocent pigeons. It’s ok, Singapore, no hard feelings. Enjoy your life.
Dey: Fredo, dude, how do you deal with the constant attention and amore of the ladies? Any tips for wannabe playboys?
Fredo: Never settle for just the tip.
Dey: Pidjin, you are really truly evil to the core. What kind of music do you usually listen to when scheming?
Pidjin: I try to compose my own symphonies. I play a Gothic Organ made out of cannon barrels and a drum set which i forged from the nuclear—
Fredo: He listens to latino. Macarena and shit.
Pidjin: Yes, that too, but—
Fredo: There can be no ‘but’ after Macarena.
Dey: If Hollywood made a movie on Fredo & Pidjin, which actors would you guys want to play the role of “Fredo & Pidjin” on screen?
Fredo: I’d go with Charlie Sheen. As Pid’jin.
Pid’jin: Wow! Really?
Fredo: Yeah. He’d be getting laid a lot, it would only hurt you more to watch that happen.
Dey: Are either one of you turned on by vampires? Tell us about it.
Fredo: They’re dead people, man. Show some respect. And, yes.
Dey: Fredo, tell us in full confidentiality, is Pidjin a virgin?
Fredo: Well, probably not, but –
Pidjin: Yeah I am.
Fredo: What, really? Seriously?? No, I mean, I always… oh God, now this whole thing just got sad.
Dey: What do you guys think of the future franchise films of Star Wars from Walt Disney? Can it cause the end of the world as we know it?
Pidjin: Wasn’t that thing killed by Lucas already? Is it coming back as a zombie? Because in that case Disney needs to shoot the Star Wars franchise straight in the head.
Dey: If you guys were pirates on a pirate ship, which one of you would be the “Captain”? Why?
Fredo: Does it involve work?
Pidjin: Yeah, like counting the gold coins!
Fredo: Meh, still work. You do it.
Dey: If wishes were horses and everything could come true, and you had one wish, what would you wish for?
Fredo: I’d wish for wishes to stop being horses. It’s confusing.
Dey: The most important question all your fans all over the world want to know – “What is the meaning of Life?”
Pid’jin: Letting go of the past, not caring about the future, and living with hungry passion in the present moment.
Fredo: …while you’re boning Cleopatra’s PR agent.
* * * * THE END * * * *
Copyright Notice: Fredo and Pid’jin is a registered trademark. The comic is written by Tudor Muscalu and drawn by Eugen Erhan, and was launched in May 2005. All rights reserved.
