Crab Cocktail by Doug Hawley
Duke enjoyed feeding his crab pals at noon from his isolated beachfront house along the Pacific Ocean outside Lincoln City Oregon USA. His ten or twenty buddies had learned that he would toss out commercial crab feed at noon every day. Duke was a loner and a bit weird from avoiding people for over twenty years and believed that he had conversations with his clawed buddies. He thought they were asking for a change in diet. He started mixing the commercial food with various human supplements, including a growth hormone he had been using for many years without result.
Over a few weeks Duke noticed the change in appearance of his pals. Their light brown bodies had changed to a whole a pallet of colors – orange, purple, pink. Their shells were two or three feet wide, bigger by a factor of three or four. If he had weighed them he would know that the bigger ones weighed thirty pounds.
On a bright spring day in April he went to his beach at noon. The crabs assembled for their usual feed. Duke appeared embarrassed and told them “Oops, sorry guys, I forgot the food. I must be getting old.” He laughed and turned around to get some food for them, but two of the bigger crabs nipped both of his heels, disabling him. The crabs got their last feast from a screaming Duke.
* * * * THE END (Of Duke) * * * *
Copyright The Crabs along the Pacific Ocean outside Lincoln City Oregon USA (2024)
This short-short is wild and quirky and very Hawley-esque. As an aside, I learned that the vivid illustration came about as Duke Hanley sat on the beach feeding his crab pals, and a young, lustful female beachcomber sketched the scene as described above.. The artist’s name was Sally.